#1
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
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Animal Puns
Puns about animals. Some are clever. Some should probably be returned to the wild.
100 punsGroaning counts as engagement.
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#2
Why did the goat dominate the conference call?
Every topic somehow became a bleat-ing priority.
#3
What did the goat write on its performance review?
Consistently exceeds bleat expectations.
#4
Why did the pig back up its files?
It did not want to lose the whole hog of data.
#5
Why did the sheep switch cloud providers?
It wanted more room for its baa-ckups.
#6
Why did the lion keep resetting its password?
It refused to use anything without a capital roar.
#7
Why does the monkey keep so many browser tabs open?
It likes having a branch for every idea.
#8
Why did the dinosaur sign up for a rewards card?
It heard every purchase earned fossil fuel points.
#9
Why did the crow pitch a startup?
It had finally found venture cap-caw-tal.
#10
How do little fish start a business?
On a small scale.
#11
When is a bee most annoying?
When it turns into a real humbug.
#12
Why are fish so well educated?
Because they spend their lives in schools.
#13
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
#14
Why is the crow such a brave bird?
It never shows the white feather.
#15
Why did the goose cross the river twice?
Because the puzzle solver kept bringing it back.
#16
Why does a goose go into the water?
For diver reasons.
#17
Why does a goose come back out of the water?
For sundry reasons.
#18
Why would a crow make a good lawyer?
It always wants its caws heard.
#19
Where did the first crow give a performance everyone could hear?
On the ark.
#20
What is more impressive than a horse that can count?
A spelling bee.
#21
Why did the fish bring home a perfect report card?
It was always at the top of its school.
#22
Why did the fish hire a financial planner?
It wanted to improve its net worth.
#23
Why did the fish get promoted?
It proved it could handle things on a larger scale.
#24
What does a fish call a quiet weekend?
Nothing major. Just going with the flow.
#25
Why did the crow start a news channel?
It already knew how to spread the caws.
#26
Why did the crow answer the phone so loudly?
It wanted everyone to hear the caws.
#27
Why did the crow become popular online?
It was great at creating a caws for attention.
#28
Why did the crow become a detective?
It always found probable caws.
#29
What job title does a bee want most?
Chief buzzness officer.
#30
Why did the bee answer every email instantly?
It did not want anything left buzzing in the inbox.
#31
Why was the bee good at meetings?
It always got straight to the point.
#32
What does a bee call its side hustle?
A little buzzness on the side.
#33
Why did the bee love spreadsheets?
It liked keeping everything in neat little cells.
#34
Why did the goose send the email twice?
It wanted to make sure everyone got the gander.
#35
Why did the goose ignore the crosswalk?
It preferred a wild-goose crossing.
#36
Why did nobody want the goose on the group project?
Every assignment turned into a wild goose chase.
#37
Why did the goose book a lake vacation?
It wanted a little down time.
#38
What password does a goose use?
HonkIfYouLoveMe. It is not subtle.
#39
What kind of cat spends all day in a library?
A cat-alogue.
#40
Why did the chicken become a bookkeeper?
It was already used to scratching for a living.
#41
Why would a cat make a terrible surgeon?
It keeps mew-tilating the patients.
#42
Why did the duck go into the water?
For diver-s reasons.
#43
Why does a pig think it has the biggest brain on the farm?
Because it has a whole hogshead full of ideas.
#44
Why are chickens so good at bookkeeping?
They already know how to scratch for a living.
#45
What part of a fish sounds like the end of a book?
The fin-ish.
#46
If a dog lost its tail, where would it shop for another?
Somewhere that specializes in re-tail.
#47
Why would a compliment from a chicken sound insulting?
Because it would be fowl language.
#48
Why are spiders excellent correspondents?
They are always dropping a line.
#49
What does a cow call a perfect weekend?
A moo-vie marathon with no udder plans.
#50
Why was the cow late to the office meeting?
It got stuck in a moo-ting on the way there.
#51
How does a cow order its morning coffee?
De-calf.
#52
Why did the cow bring a calculator to the pasture?
It had a lot of moo-tiplication to finish.
#53
Why does the duck check the weather app every morning?
It likes to know whether it is fowl outside.
#54
Why did the duck become a detective?
It always quacked the case.
#55
Why did the sheep bring its own office chair?
The company furniture was not ewe-gonomic.
#56
Why is the shark calendar always full?
Every day has something fin-ished by five.
#57
Why did the pig volunteer to drive?
It knew every hog-way exit.
#58
Why did the pig skip breakfast?
It was already bacon up late.
#59
Why did the pig clean its smartphone?
Too many hog prints on the screen.
#60
Why did the pig get approved for a loan?
It had excellent boar-rowing history.
#61
Why did the sheep regret its haircut?
It was a shear disaster.
#62
Why did the sheep leave the group chat?
Too much herd mentality.
#63
How does a sheep order coffee?
With extra baa-rista foam.
#64
What did the owl get on its school report?
Outstanding in every who-subject.
#65
Why did the bear cancel its gym membership?
It already had plenty of paws-onal trainers.
#66
Why did the bear leave a one-star campsite review?
Too many people kept saying the food was unbearable.
#67
Why did the lion update its online profile?
It wanted a more mane-stream look.
#68
Why did the lion fire its barber?
The mane issue was consistency.
#69
Why did the elephant avoid the elevator?
It did not want to raise the stakes.
#70
Why did the Golden Retriever volunteer to run the meeting?
He heard there would be action items to fetch.
#71
Why did the Labrador sit next to the laptop?
He was waiting for someone to open a new tab of snacks.
#72
Why did the Dachshund move under the desk?
He wanted a lower-level management position.
#73
Why does the dog hate email?
Too many attachments and not enough sticks.
#74
Why did the dog sit by the router?
He heard there was a better connection to the bark side.
#75
Why did the horse stop checking email?
Too much spam, not enough hay.
#76
Why did the horse become a counselor?
He was great at helping people rein in their problems.
#77
Why did the horse create a budget?
Stable finances were the goal.
#78
What does a horse list under transportation skills?
Extensive experience in horsepower.
#79
Why did the horse order coffee?
He had a long day at the neigh-borhood office.
#80
Why are horses good listeners?
They always lend an ear without interrupting the mane point.
#81
Why did the horse get promoted?
He was the most stable employee.
#82
Why did the horse decline the call?
He was a little hoarse.
#83
Why did the horse hire a tax preparer?
Too many un-stable deductions.
#84
Why did the horse stand next to the Wi-Fi router?
He wanted a stronger neigh-twork.
#85
Why did the chicken stop replying to email?
Too many people kept egging her on.
#86
Why did the chicken start a savings account?
She wanted a better nest egg.
#87
Why did the chicken get promoted?
She always handled the pecking order professionally.
#88
Why did the chicken join the gym?
To work on her pecks.
#89
Why did the chicken answer the phone?
It was a wing call.
#90
Why did the chicken hire a lawyer?
Someone accused her of fowl play.
#91
Why did the chicken order an espresso?
She had an egg-zhausting morning.
#92
Why did the Golden Retriever stare at the calendar?
He was waiting for another fetchuary.
#93
Why did the Labrador become an accountant?
He was excellent at retrieving receipts.
#94
Why did the Labrador quit the gym?
Too much working out, not enough working retriever.
#95
Why was the Dachshund late?
He took the long way around.
#96
Why did the Dachshund hate long meetings?
He was already stretched thin.
#97
Why did the goat redesign his website?
The old one had too many baaad links.
#98
Why are cows good at math?
They know how to use a cowculator.
#99
What kind of music do cows prefer?
Anything with a good moo-dy bass line.
#100
Why did the duck send an invoice?
He wanted everyone to pay the bill.
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A PUN FOR EVERY SPECIES
Dog puns, cat puns, farm-animal puns and more
Animal puns work because almost every creature comes with built-in wordplay. This collection pulls together published puns across dogs, cats, farm animals, wildlife, dinosaurs and other animal topics while each joke keeps its own permanent shareable page.