Why does a cow tail always seem committed to one direction?

Why is grass like a mouse?

Because cattle eat it.

What is the difference between a milkmaid and a swallow?

One skims milk; the other skims water.

What does a cow call a perfect weekend?

A moo-vie marathon with no udder plans.

Why was the cow late to the office meeting?

It got stuck in a moo-ting on the way there.

How does a cow order its morning coffee?

De-calf.

Why did the cow bring a calculator to the pasture?

It had a lot of moo-tiplication to finish.